Like Butter on a Bald Monkey

It's decided! I have anxiety issues. Not any major disorders or panic attacks. I have what you would considered stage fright. I carried this uneasiness throughout my whole life. The palpitations and jitters would appear every time I am before an audience regardless of the size. This is internally blatant as I am very skillful at disguising it. I seek activities that would help to improve the nervousness and desensitize the anxiety by joining theater arts and maintaining positions in college organizations that would require a lot of public speaking. All of the disguises fell apart tonight. In a community college piano class.

With down time (unemployment) from now until July, I decided to enroll half time at a community college. I am now four weeks into Human Anatomy and Physiology and Introduction to Piano. I love piano! I had a few false starts and many unsuccessful self-learning attempts. They just didn't work out when there was nobody to tell me whether I was playing properly. Tonight I got all that and much more.

The the two test pieces for the night was "Merrily We Row" and Dvorak's "Largo." I glided over them like butter on a bald monkey during practice at home. They were flawless! I even volunteered to go first. Big mistake. The performance was a total disaster. I played the first two measures like an alien had invaded my body with some undecipherable notes. Shaken by what had just occurred, I played again and luckily nailed it the second time. The nerve twang remained throughout the second song as I pounded on the chords and keys when the dynamics glared "piano." So much for the disguises. It was head-on collision with my arch enemies. Palpitations. Diaphoresis. Flushing.

Three good things came out of this nerve twisting episode, however. I realized that there are a lot more to piano than just hitting the right notes. Secondly, I think I have finally found the right piano teacher. Lastly, I now have many more opportunities to confront this inconvenient fear.